The naturalness expressed here is “mine”, absolutely subjective, and I am not speaking about “normal”; I consider the term outdated. I have used it so often that “normal” has come to carry the meaning of “usual” — as one might say, the word “normal” has entered inflation and has been devalued. This happens to all words used in excess, so I will not use the term “normal”.
In order to express the naturalness as I understand it…, it is important that I make known to you my system of reference, and the naturalness I have in mind. First of all, every person is duty-bound to work with the self, not for the others, even though those around also take joy in the change for the better. This duty, which I express with such largesse, refers to making one’s own life more beautiful, simpler…, in general “more” — in my language that word is mai, which is also the name of May, the spring month in which nature blossoms…; why is this aspect important…? Beyond the simplification it brings as a result for each one’s self…, it places you in the stance of a “learner”, which matters both for outward relationships and for the relationship with the self…; if a conjuncture arises…, one that “scratches” the “harmony” you thought you had…, think about it…, if it were inner harmony…, no external factor could disturb it. If something does disturb it…, expressed on the outside, the cause is only on the inside; the outside merely offers you “a trigger”, which sets off inside you a set of reactions. Having the exercise, and practising the “learner” stance…, you stand a good chance of identifying the trigger and of solving it, instead of laying the blame on the others…, who will never do anything for your comfort…, and even if they do it, I still do not consider that it brings an advantage…, I consider that it cripples, because the self is left with that same sensitivity to that same trigger…
Beyond the work with the self, there would be one more aspect that seems to me decent and pertinent…: we live in times of… “equality”; everybody wanted equality…, now we have it…, so why is “someone” responsible for “someone else’s” shortcoming…?; in other words…, if you want something, you set yourself to make it…; if you have any self-respect, you do not “fish” for “fools” to “trick” into making it for you…
If these 2 conditions are fulfilled, I believe there is a chance that you will understand, and even live, the naturalness (as I understand it) of human relationships; otherwise it is a waste of time to read further…
Now let us make relevant the naturalness I was speaking of above.
Lately I meet many people…, and out of these, many…, all of them tend to mercantilize any relationship, especially the amorous ones…, and this because one of the 2 aspects mentioned above is not ticked off, usually the first one, because if that one is ticked…, at some point the second one gets ticked as well…; so, to express myself simply…, I consider that people should seek the presence of other persons whom they like, or who confer on them a state of quiet, of comfort, of explanations, etc…, and should seek to be respectful of the other’s time…, to be aware that the other person is there through volunteering, and not to try to constrain them, to blackmail them (emotionally or professionally), to fence them in in any way…; healthy relationships, I believe, have something in common with freedom and with gratitude…; the first form of gratitude is that you have come to know a person who is… “great”, and you seek their presence; then the gratitude for the time and the attention you receive from that person…, and from this stance something solid really can be built, on the condition that the 2 persons share the same measure of things and that each one, on their own side, is grateful for the other person…; the gratitude I speak of does not refer to “I want more”, “I want EVERYTHING for myself”…, it refers to “I am unspeakably glad that I had x time spent together, it was exceptional… etc.”; the conveying of the fulfilment you felt in a meeting, or of a leap in awareness, or of an understanding of a theory (a relationship with a teacher)…, puts more weight into each one’s life than the shortcoming that you no longer have that opportunity, or that it is rare, or…; the exercise of seeing what we lack draws you away from the joy of living…, it brings a form of handicap, because you think about and pay attention to what you lack, not to what you have…
If people sought each other in equal measure, for the state of well-being they have in the other’s company, or for interesting subjects to discuss (not the score of last night’s match)…, the world would be better; if they made each other a gift of time and concluded that it had not been squandered, from here one can say that a good relationship can be built…; when it becomes necessary, or when it is demanded, that more than time be granted…, whatever that might be…, in my optics it is squandering…; time…, is par excellence the most important and most expensive resource of any person; if you offer it to someone and it is not enough…, then nothing will be enough for that person — however much and whatever you might give them…, it will not be enough…
The conclusion is that if something in particular is asked for, or expected, something to bring an added value into a meeting, or into a partnership — the business area excluded, there everything is mercantilism — then the relationship is not worth it, not even worth thinking about or recounting…
And starting from here…, if a person is accepted and sought for what they are, so as to make a partnership — professional, private, amorous…, then all the boorishness and the speculations that are in fashion are excluded…; starting from the premise that it is on a voluntary basis, everything becomes simple and clear…
In another order of ideas…, if you do not work with the self, and you project your fears, your traumas, etc., around you…, do not be surprised that they grow inside you and that you see yourself ever more alone in your cage with bars — bars that you yourself consolidate through the manifestation of the shortcomings and of the problems…; certainly, you can strike up against loneliness even when you work with yourself and the others do not work with themselves…, but it is another loneliness: it is a quiet one, it is an assumed one, one that can even tend towards joy…; I do not know the term happiness in its entirety, in emotions, so as to use it…, but “joy” — that one I know…
I am not trying to convince you. But if you have a measure of your own, I would like to hear it…
Further: The convenient illusion of the Ego (and of the confusion around self-respect)
